Saturday, March 6, 2010

An Interview with Alabama Starter, Brian Selman: Parts 1, 2, and 3 (click links below)

 

-The Muffin-Cast is back.  Brian Selman was kind enough to talk to me about playing football at Alabama and winning a national championship.  In part one, Brian and I talk about what it was like on the field at the Rose Bowl; their upcoming trip to the White House and Obama's desire for a playoff system in D-1 football; and the challenge of balancing school and football.


-In part 2, Selman explains how important football is to the people of Alabama. He talks about his reaction to Monday morning quarterbacking and negative fan reaction.  He explains what it’s like for Alabama football players to go out in public in Tuscaloosa, and he lets us know about his new job with the Pittsburgh Pirates.  You might also enjoy the classic Bear Bryant bite to start off the podcast.  Roll Tide!


-In part 3, Brian talked about his heroes, his thoughts on Nick Saban, and the upcoming transition from college athlete to full-time employee.  


-In other news, I can finally sleep at night because I've found my t-shirt for race day at Talladega on April 25th.  It wasn't easy.  As my NASCAR brethren know, your race day shirt is special because it speaks for you in the case that you can't speak for yourself at that point...I however, intend to party responsibly this time.

-Anyway, your race day shirt must scream 1 of 2 things:  1.  I love America or 2. I love this driver.  I went with number 1.  I feel I acomplished my goal.  Purple Mountains' majesty, bald eagles, and take a look at lady liberty hangin out in the mountain just left of center.
 


Monday, February 22, 2010

Alabama's Brian Selman to be on next MM podcast!

The University of Alabama's starting long snapper from 2007-2009 will be on the next podcast to be posted this weekend.  Brian Selman played for the Tide from 2006-2009, and helped UA to a national championship this past season. 

Selman, who has a passion for the game of baseball, just a accepted an internship with the Pittsburgh Pirates in player development.  We'll be discussing that as well.  Check it out this weekend...Hopefully Saturday night or mid-day Sunday.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Let's Get Some Things Straight: A list

1.  I am greatly concerned about the traffic on my blog.  Google provides me with reports about numerous things including number of hits and where the hits are from, and the data raises red flags.  There's no need to get into the number of hits...let's just say that YOU, the current reader, reading this right now, make up a decent percent.  Anyway, that's not the issue here.  The issue is where the hits are coming from: Canada.  I don't get it, and I don't like it.  Not only are they right behind my fellow Americans in total hits, but on average, they spend more time on these pages than Americans.  What's more disturbing is that our friends on the other side of the pond (The British) also spend more time here.  I fear the worst-An all out plot to bring down Muffin Matters.

2.  Within the borders of this great nation, I have failed to make a connection with our brethren in Maine, Montana, Iowa, Idaho, and Massachusetts.  At this point, I would like to offer an olive branch to those unreached populations.  People of Maine, your average summer temperatures can't be matched by the rest of the nation.  Your rocky beaches in August are a hopeful destination of mine.  Montana.  Beautiful Montana.  I love big skies and cows.  And Glacier National Park is the finest of them all (and also the only National Park I've visited).  Iowa, how bout those Cubs...those Iowa Cubs!  People of Idaho, I love meat and potatoes, and we all know you grow some mean potatoes.  Massachusetts.  Ah, Massachusetts...Well, I don't really care if you folks like what I do here or not, but please don't take that the wrong way.  What I really mean is the problem isn't you.  The problem is me.  I don't like you.  "Oh how arrogant and ignorant," you undoubtedly think as you read along.  My thoughts exactly.

3.  Why haven't I mentioned the Winter Olympics?  Good question.  I don't have a great answer, but I will tell you that I don't have a way of watching them without cable or rabbit-ear reception.  That's the main reason.  The second reason is that Winter makes me want to puke.  I hate cold weather and wind, and snow belongs on postcards only.  The winter Olympians are tremendous athletes, and when it comes to fashion, well no one can top the male figure skaters.  So I admire all the participants, but winter sports don't particularly interest me.  Of course I want America to dominate the planet in the Olympics, but I will tell you that we had better focus on dominating our own economy, foreign policy, and the perceptions of America around the world before we worry about who can get down a snow-covered hill the fastest. 

Friday, February 5, 2010

Great Success!

The letter to the editor has been published.  I have dealt a minor blow to the great UA bureaucracy.  I would post a link, but the campus paper doesn't regularly update their site, so you'll have to take my word for it.  Roll Tide.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

All I Wanted was to Eat my Dang Bagel

Some prick at the library told me I couldn't eat my dang bagel inside because it wasn't from the vending machine.  I smiled, took my happy rear end outside and ate my flipping bagel. Then I took all my bottled up rage...and wrote a letter to the school newspaper's editor.  I'll let you know if it gets published.

A quick note: To the vast majority of those reading, you will not be familiar with Tuscaloosa.  So in case you find yourself wondering what the "Black Warrior" is, it is the main river that flows through the city and adjacent to campus. 

To the Editor:

Nearly every day, I enjoy a bagel in the designated student “lounge” before I start studying at Rodgers Library.  Before I could take a bite Thursday, I was told by someone on staff that food from home was against policy.  However, I was allowed to enjoy something from the vending machine.  I was told that there were benches outside where I could eat food from home.  Splendid: The cigarette ash-covered, rarely manicured, anything but comfortable, black benches outside, where the temperature was 20 degrees cooler and wind-blown mist made my bagel soggy. 

I have no issue with the kind staff person.   What chaps me is the policy—another regrettable result of a large academic bureaucracy that leaves too many people with the idle time to make idiotic rules.  Undoubtedly, if they get the chance, they will respond in one of two ways.  1. The policy was necessary to avoid a foreseen problem.  2.  The policy is long standing and should be observed, regardless of opinion. 

At its worst, the policy isn’t rooted in practical thinking, similar to the state of Arkansas’ law against mispronouncing “Arkansas” while within the borders.  At its best (comparatively), the library policy is rooted in a commercial interest to encourage buying from the vending machines.  Well, you’ll have to forgive me; In the midst of paying my way through school, I don’t want to drop a buck on “Andy Capps’ Delicious Hot Fries” that have enough sodium to dry up the Black Warrior.  

Perhaps they would argue that food from home creates more mess.  Garbage.  My bagel leaves no trace. 
Should I also refrain from defecating in the library’s bathrooms if my stools aren’t the direct result of munchies from the vending machine?  “That’s ridiculous” you may say.  The current policy is what’s ridiculous.


Casey T. Sturgill
csturgill@crimson.ua.edu

Friday, January 29, 2010

Nobody Puts Patrick Swayze in the Corner

--With time running out in January, I wanted to hurry up and get out the last part of the interview with John Stillman on the year that was 2009:  The Year of Death.  I apologize up front for the questionable sound quality and other issues: this one was thrown together quickly, like a Keanu Reeves screenplay.
 In this Muffin Cast: 
--Somehow, an English rock band makes its way into the podcast:  disgraceful
--John and I become embarrassed and shocked by the fact that it took us so long to remember Patrick Swayze among those that left us in 2009
--I reveal my tendency towards aggressive measures
--John reveals his desire for a civil war

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Podcast 2: Billy Mays, The Taco Bell Dog, and more from John Wayne


New methodology this time.  Just hit the link above...It will take you to the file's page where you can simply click play! 
In the latest installment, John Stillman and I continue our discussion on 2009: The Year of Death.
-Things get dicey when Stillman questions my standing as an expert on all things Americana.
-The first ever Americana Sports Update marks its spot in Muffin Matters history.
-The search for closure on a 2009 that was tough to swallow continues.

Hit it up.  And give feedback if you can.  As you'll see in this installment, suggestions are quickly taken into consideration and applied.

Monday, January 11, 2010

First Ever Podcast: John Wayne, John F. Kennedy, John Stillman and More! Click "Americana With the Muffin" below!

--This has been a long time coming.  Hope it's enjoyable.  Thoughts, comments, suggestions would be much appreciated.  Click the link and enjoy the digital party that is Americana With the Muffin. 
--Speaking of parties I would like to pass along an experience I had in the first class of my Spring semester at Alabama.  It's on of my core classes in the Sport Management curriculum.  The professor asked every one of us to get up and tell our name, home town, our dream job, and we also had to sell ourselves on why we would be good for that job.  Obviously, we heard the typical responses:  athletic director, sports agent, marketing exectutive, student information director, etc.  Well, I had to speak from my heart.  After about 15 students it was my turn..."Hi my name's Casey Sturgill.  I'm from Walnut Cove, North Carolina.  I would like to work in sports for several years to earn some money to start my real job.  I would like to own and run a bar and grill in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.  I believe I would be perfect for this job because I like party, I feel I know how to party, and I feel I can facilitate the perfect party.  Thank you."

--The professor responded, "Well that's certainly unique. I have family in Cary, North Carolina.  Next."

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

-Around the World in 80 Words- (12-29-09)

--Football player gets concussion. Coach questions said player's toughness. Coach locks player in dark closet. Coach suspended. Typical.


--Would-be Christmas terrorist, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, attempted to bring down a plane with an explosive 'bulge'. A Pakistani journalist warned us of 'Suicide Underwear' in 2008.
--An 86-year-old Indian governor resigned after a tape showed him getting busy with 3 young women. Headline of the week from The Times of India: 'After sex sting, AP governor Tiwari ejects prematurely.'

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas from the Muffin!


I do not enjoy being serious. It's typically not my style. But when Christmas comes, it seems right to express how blessed I am on a fine public forum like Al Gore's internet. For this one time and one time only, I must put down my guard when it comes to the content of this website. It is the policy of this site to avoid comment on 1. Politics, 2. Religion, and 3. the inner workings of the female brain. Later on, policy #2 is going to be breached...big time. Disciples of Darwin and Dawkins, consider yourself notified.

Sometimes my tongue and cheek approach to the greatness that is America may seem a bit ambiguous, but I want to make it clear how glad I am to be living in the United States of America. Thank God we can worship who/what we want, when we want. Thank God we can wish friends and family a "Merry Christmas" without being persecuted. I know the ever-increasing political correctness of the nation may seem like a terrible thing to some, but let's get real: Generally speaking, if you want to wish someone a "Merry Christmas" instead of saying "Happy Holidays," you can do it. If you want to wish someone a "Happy Hanukkah" or "Happy Chinese New Year," you can do it. And, even though your religious greetings may occasionally start a heated discussion in this country, they will not land you in prison. Thank God.

This Christmas, many of us are still adjusting to this new American economy. My current apartment, which 2 years ago I wouldn't have considered fit to live in, has become a quaint blessing. I no longer have cable. I unplug every electrical device in my place when I leave for the day. The heat is hardly ever turned on. As it turns it out, I can be just as warm if I just wear sweat pants and a sweat shirt while lounging around as I could be running the heat 24/7 and lounging in my birthday suit. I can't eat out much any more, but I haven't gone hungry one day in my life. Thank God.

I hope all of you are fortunate enough to have a great family like mine. To say that my family loves me would be a gross understatement. My mother and father are blessed people that have done absolutely everything humanly imaginable to make sure that I am safe, healthy,and happy. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. are amazing people with terrific stories, ideas, and backgrounds that have shaped and influenced me. My brother is my best friend. My good friends, new and old, are people that I can trust my life to, and I hope they know I care for them just as deeply. Whether I am having a good day or a bad day, I know I am being loved at all times. Thank God.

Sometimes, I try to put everything in perspective and understand why things are the way they are...i.e. Why are things so good for me, but so bad for thousands across this country and even worse for millions around the world? I fall short of understanding these things every time I go down that mental road. As a Christian, I have complete and total faith in the Christmas story and every other story in the Bible. But, I still don't know or understand why things are the way the are. Non-Christians take issue with belief like mine in a world like ours, and believe it or not, I understand their point of view. It makes no sense. What pains me the most is seeing some Christians condemn others for their lifestyles, political affiliations, sexual orientations, race, class, and religious preferences. No wonder some people discount Christianity and other religions for that matter.

Again, I don't understand it all, but I will advance this passage from Luke in the New Testament which is similar to the dilemmas I just explained. It's from chapter 2. Jesus was a young boy:

42When he was 12 years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. 43 After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44 Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45 When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you." 49 "Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" 50 But THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND what he was saying to them.

The parallel I saw was that these two parents: Mary, heavily favored by God, and Joseph, a descendant of David also heavily favored by God...didn't understand what Jesus was up too. Similarly, I believe in Him, but I don't understand. Some question that sort of belief; others think it's stupid. That's fine. They clearly have good reasons for doing so. Not to mention, Christians are often considered hypocrites due to way they live. This is especially common around Christmas when "Christians come out of the woodwork." There's a reason they come out of the woodwork. Christmas is pretty special; it gets to people. As for the argument non-Christians have that Christians are hypocrites: Good argument. Again, I don't know why things are the way they are. What I can tell you is that if Christmas never happened, and Jesus never came to Earth, there would be only three folks allowed in heaven: The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit (and maybe Santa). Either way, thanks to Christmas and Easter, they got plenty of room for hypocrites up there. Thank God.


Merry Christmas everybody!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

- Around the World in 80 Words - (12-17-09)

--The Brits may have “dodgy” hand gestures like this guy, but they did figure out the genetic code of cancer. "Delightful."

--“Back in my day, it snowed all the time here in the hills of North Carolina.” Those days are back.

--Any proponents of acupuncture out there? I considered it until I stumbled upon this.

--
Chinese man, Lo Wung taught his monkeys how to practice martial arts. The monkeys taught him how to beg for mercy.

-- ...Go Heels. Roll Tide.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Dog that Ought to be Dead


“That dog couldn’t make water for weeks. He ought to be dead.”
Most often, America is personified by…well, persons. Sometimes, though, an animal can chisel its legacy into the ever-expanding tablet of Americana that we honor here on Muffin Matters.

Today we honor a dog that has beaten all odds in order to simply still be standing. His name is Jake. Jake is a powerful American name. Consider ‘Jake the Snake’ for instance: A spectacular professional wrestler of old who enjoyed large pythons and trashy mustaches. How about ‘Big Jake’? One of John Wayne’s finest films shot in the twilight of his career. A career for Wayne, by the way, that ended far too soon. There’s Jake Owen who sings of the South’s best time-honored traditions in his country songs, and there’s Jake Delhomme who is known for his many, many interceptions on the NFL’s biggest stages.

The Jake we honor today though, is no ‘roided combatant of the steel cage nor is he a cue card-aided creation of the silver screen. He isn’t a legend beneath the neon moon of the Honky Tonk nor an inept handler of the pigskin on Carolina’s gridiron. No, this Jake is something else. He is a real American like us. He grew up in the fields of a sleepy North Carolina town called Kings Mountain. He was one of 5-20 children (the records are unclear). He never knew his father. He was taken from his mother soon after birth. One by one he watched his brothers and sisters as they were snatched in the night…and sometimes during the day. People called him a bastard. The same people told him that his long lost mother was a bitch. The odds were against Jake from the start, but he never got down and he kept plugging along. Family after family passed Jake by leaving him to fend for himself until one fateful day. That’s the day a kind man named Jimmy on Goforth Road agreed to take Jake in.

Jake’s life started to turn around. Jimmy had a barn and lots of new animal friends for Jake. Jake met Maggie the yellow lab, Cody the sheep dog, Ben the large angry billy goat, several nice horses, and countless bovines that were pleased to meet him. Jake was happier than he had ever been. He had a dogloo roof over his head and food on the ground every night. Things could only go downhill for Jake at that point, and that’s just what they did.

First, Jake’s new family noticed that his eyes were becoming cloudy, and his vision was leaving him quickly. Most likely a victim of cataracts, Jake soon became blind and was forced to travel by sense of smell, sound, and sudden impact.

It was perhaps Jake’s lack of sight that led him into a near fatal accident. To this day the details are unclear, and Jake refuses to talk of the incident. Family members believe one of two things happened to the brave dog. His owner Jimmy speculated:

“He was either sniffing around those horses out there and got kicked or he found that road out there and got hit by a car. Either way, it was bad…”

Jake’s private area (man land) and one of his legs became terribly swollen. An essential function could not be performed. “That dog couldn’t make water for weeks. He ought to be dead. We thought for sure he’d die,” said Jimmy.

To Jimmy and everyone else's surprise and delight, Jake did not die. No, Jake did what he has done his whole life: he took a lick and kept on ticking. The pain he had to be in isn’t even fathomable. The adversity he faced just to be standing and walking today is incredible. Now, the only sign of Jake’s accident is the slightest of hitches in his gitty-up. And, since he’s blind, he really doesn’t gitty-up too fast these days anyway for risk of certain head trauma.

The fact that Jake is alive is amazing in itself. But what’s most impressive is that he has got to be one of the most content dogs I’ve ever been around. He’ll sniff his way over the river and through the woods to grandma’s house just to wag his tail and say hello to the rest of Jimmy’s family when they visit for holidays. That’s how I know Jake. Jimmy is my uncle and my grandmother and grandfather live right through the woods where Jake slowly makes his way every time we visit. He can’t see; he’s probably still in pain from his near-deadly accident; and he constantly bumps into animate and inanimate objects whenever he dares to commute. And yet, here he is, happy and proud as can be. When he’s sitting there with his nose in the air towards the wind (because he sure as hell can’t see what’s coming), he truly looks stoic and all-knowing. He should be an inspiration to us all. Maybe you are fortunate to know someone or some animal like Jake who has faced and knocked the heck out of adversity. That’s truly emblematic of the American spirit.

Long live Jake, and when he doesn’t live anymore, they’ll all say, “he shouldn’t have made it this long to being with.” Quite a compliment if you ask me.


-Special thanks to Tony T-Bone Sturgill for the pictures.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Green, Yellow, Roll Tide


After arriving in Tuscaloosa on August 10th, it took me approximately 48 hours to realize that something was different around this town. It was quickly apparent that driving to and fro required more attention and diligence than in my previous cities of residence. First of all, the roads here are not as well maintained as they are in North Carolina. For that matter, I don’t think any other state in the south has roads as well kept as those in NC. For God’s sake, North Carolinians pay an arm and a leg on gas tax at the pumps, so they better get something in return. The roads though, aren’t the main problem down here in ‘Bama. Nope, the main problem is a cultural phenomenon that I have yet to get to the bottom of.

I’m talking about the alarming frequency at which these psychopaths run red lights. The first full day I was down here, I noticed one or two cars running red lights at major intersections. I thought to myself, “look as this guy; what an idiot.” Now, running red lights is by no means a rare occasion anywhere. But, everywhere else I’ve been, it has been uncommon enough to elicit a response from drivers and passengers each time it happens. Well, down here, running red lights doesn’t draw a response…it’s freakishly normal. I thought I was going crazy until the 3rd week of the semester when my sport law professor went off on a tangent about drivers in Tuscaloosa. He said, “This is one of the worst places I’ve ever seen when it comes to daggum idiots running red lights.” I can’t express how relieved I was to hear someone else mention this; I wasn’t going crazy. Since the professor threw it out there, I started asking several people about it, and they agreed with my assessment. However, some of them said they really hadn’t given it much though until I brought it up. Apparently it’s such a way of life down here that’s it goes unnoticed.

Now that I know how things go around town, I know to give it a couple of seconds before I hit the accelerator coming off a green light. It’s comical really. When my brother came to visit, I told him about the red light running, and I’m not sure if he believed me at first. But sure enough, the first time we got caught at a light, I told him to wait and watch. Sure enough, 2 cars flew under a red light right on cue.

I have seen police at these same intersections when a car runs a red light…and they do nothing. So why is this? I have a couple of theories. 1. There are a crap-ton of stoplights in Tuscaloosa, and it seems possible that people just get fed up and say, “kiss my ass, I’m not stopping.” 2. A terrible rash of red-green color blindness in the region…along with up/down dyslexia. 3. They see “red” and think crimson causing them to undergo a sudden rush and push their pedal to the metal while yelling “Rolllllllllllll Tide!”

Either way, what's really important here is that everyone in Tuscaloosa was probably awful at the kids' game "red light-green light." Tragic.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Top 10 American Songs: 5-1

Before moving on to the top-5, a couple of things. Be sure to click the song title if you want to see the music video for each one. Next, it's time that all the honorable mentions be acknowledged. So, here’s the list of those that just missed: “Fireflies” (Owl City), “Brown Eyed Girl” (Van Morrison),“Happy Birthday to You” (Preston Ware Orem), “Papa was a Rolling Stone” (The Temptations), “Can’t Touch This” (MC Hammer), “He Stopped Loving Her Today” (George Jones), “Folsom Prison Blues” (Johnny Cash), “What’s Going On” (Marvin Gaye), “Respect” (Aretha Franklin), “Like a Rolling Stone” (Bob Dylan), “Bridge over Troubled Water” (Simon and Garfunkel), “Hotel California” (The Eagles), “Superstition” (Stevie Wonder), “Great Balls of Fire” (Jerry Lee Lewis), “Mrs. Robinson” (Simon and Garfunkel), “Lose Yourself” (Eminem), “Proud to be an American” (Lee Greenwood…best performed by William Speight and Casey Sturgill at the Thorpe/Burleson wedding).

Now on to those that really matter.
5. “Ring of Fire”-Johnny Cash (1963)

No music countdown would be complete without “The Man in Black.” Cash was known for his hard country sound that some classified as “Rockabilly.” What exactly is “rockabilly”? We don’t have the time to digress, and I really don’t know anyway.

“Ring of Fire” was co-written by Cash and his last wife, June Carter Cash. The two filled up newscasts in 2003 when June died in May (no pun) of that year. Not to be outdone, Johnny kicked the bucket just four months later in September. Naturally all the adoring fans insisted June was getting lonely up in heaven, and Johnny was getting lonely down on Earth…Problem solved.

Bottom line; this is the 5th of the first 6 songs in the countdown to have a deceased singer. When you die, you fly in American pop culture, baby.

Johnny said he got the idea for the mariachi-style horns “in a dream with a Mexican theme.” Love Cash to death, but I’m guessing this dream occurred before he dropped the booze and cocaine. Turned out great, though! The song has been covered and majorly released by over 50 artists, making it one of the most industry-popular songs on the list.

4. “Ain’t too Proud to Beg”-The Temptations (1966)


Songs from Motown could have filled this list, but I tried to pick one of the finest. This is one you all should have heard, even if you’re from my generation. Movies and TV shows use the tune quite often, and it gets played on Oldies radio stations religiously. In fact, it is CURRENTLY one of the most requested songs on oldies stations today. The most requested song on oldies radio, in case you were wondering, is “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” by Elliot Lurie and Looking Glass. The source of my information you may ask; the syndicated “True Oldies Channel.”

“Ain’t too Proud to Beg” was the product of several Motown all-stars including Smokey Robinson, Norman Whitfield, and of course The Temptations. The producers, songwriters, and artists would often meet in their “Hitsville, USA” offices to go over songs and perfect their latest works. The fact that they were involved with an organization called “Hitsville, USA” pushed the Temptations way up this list. The song peaked at 13 on the overall Billboard chart and remained number 1 on the R&B chart for eight weeks in ‘66.

And in case you’re wondering about the death tally, many of the Temptations have come and gone on this great, green earth. Of the 17 members that have been a part of The Temptations at some time or another, eight are dead. Of the original five who were responsible for “Ain’t too Proud to Beg,” four have checked out including David Ruffin, Melvin Franklin, Paul Williams, and Eddie Kendricks. Otis Williams stands alone; for now.


3. “Sweet Home Alabama”-Lynyrd Skynyrd (1974)

Did you think I would go through this countdown without paying homage to my current state of residence? Wasn’t gonna happen. Even without my current address being considered, “Sweet Home Alabama” should make the top-ten. Debatable? Maybe for you. It’s my number three.

This song is synonymous with outdoor sporting events as well as any outdoor event where people like to party. For a song that is seemingly void of much meaning, there’s a lot behind it.

Like Johnny Cash’s epiphany, the rift for the song came to bassist Ed King in a dream. I’ve never once had a dream with awesome rifts playing in my head. I’ve also never had a dream that propelled me to national fame. I guess some people have it, and some people don’t. Or maybe, it’s just some people use heavy drugs and some people don’t. I don’t know.

Moving on. In the studio version that most of you have probably heard, you hear the song open with lead singer Ronnie Van Zant saying, “Turn it up.” Interestingly enough, this was just a recording mistake that they decided to keep in because it fit. Van Zant was simply telling the producer to bump up his headphones during the recording. So far, this song has been carried by a dream and a recording mistake. Makes me think I’m in the wrong business.

The meat of the song is much more thought out. Neil Young wrote and sang the song “Southern Man” which took on many problems in the South, most notably slavery and the debt that Young believed African Americans were owed. Skynyrd lead singer, Van Zant wrote “Sweet Home Alabama” as a response to Young’s overwhelmingly negative take on the South. It’s important to note that Van Zant wasn’t supporting slavery or past abuse with the song. As he put it, “We thought Neil was shooting all the ducks in order to kill one or two.” This is absolutely the most historically interesting song on the countdown in my opinion. The debate that Van Zant and Neil Young were having wasn’t too drastically different than the much more polished musings of W.J. Cash who wrote “The Mind of the South,” and the Southern Agrarians who wrote many manuscripts supporting the ideals of the American South (but not slavery). W.J. Cash ran down the south much like Young did. The Agrarians admitted a gross error in judgment on the issue of slavery, but insisted the other ways of the South were worth preserving and would lead to better lives.

Neil Young, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and “Sweet Home Alabama”; they’re as far as you need to go when trying to understand the complex history of the South. Who knew?


2. “Fortunate Son” – Creedence Clearwater Revival (Summer of ’69)

Another great song with American historic relevance. John Fogerty, lead singer and writer, explained in several interviews that he saw Richard Nixon’s daughter hanging out with Dwight Eisenhower’s son at a fancy function. Fogerty was disgusted because neither were going to be adversely affected (if at all) by the Vietnam War. Fogerty was against the war in Vietnam and more recently became outspoken against the war in Iraq.

I’ve heard many folks say that CCR’s hit is not patriotic. I disagree completely. I believe the more correct assessment would be that it is not a ringing government endorsement. But, I think it absolutely qualifies as patriotic, because Fogerty was speaking to an injustice that he thought to be great at the time. He didn’t think it fair for the poor folks to be getting drafted to fight while the “fortunate sons” sat at home playing Tidily Winks.

Rolling stone ranked the song as their 99th best of all time. Similar to Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire,” Fogerty’s “Fortunate Son” has been covered and sampled by many different artists in different genres ranging from .38 Special to Wyclef Jean. Popular culture has taken to the song as well. Wrangler pumped the jam in a line of commercials aimed at promoting a new style of jeans. Wrangler smartly avoided the controversial lyrics. The song was also featured in Forest Gump and Live Free or Die Hard. Hard to find another song on the list that is more qualified to make the top ten.


1. “Fire and rain”-James Taylor (1970)

What an amazing song. Taking a look back through the list, I believe this song has the most powerful lyrics of any other listed. Most, if not all of us, can relate to this song in one way or another. A common theme is advanced urging the listener to take no day, no one, no thing for granted. Many, MANY writers have taken this song head on to dissect it and delve into its deepest meanings. That’s what sets “Fire and Rain” apart. It’s fantastic on many different levels. Great to listen to, good lyrics, and meaningful. Not to mention CAROLINA’S own James Taylor is responsible! Speaking of which; Town of Chapel Hill, please listen to me. Find a better bridge to name after this man than the one on S. Columbia that crosses over 15-501. In fact, find something better altogether to name after this man.

Back to the song. First of all, Rolling Stone had no clue about what they were doing when they ranked it way down at 227 out of 500 of the greatest songs of all time. Clearly belongs much higher. Admittedly, just my opinion, and Rolling Stone, I’ve heard, is a bit of an authority in such matters. Oh well.

What exactly is it about? Who was it written for? Theories abound, and Taylor himself has given mixed answers on the subject, but it seems clear that the friend he expected to see again was Suzanne Schnerr who died in a plane crash. In an NPR interview, Taylor also said that it was partly about his struggle to get over drugs and alcohol. Lastly, the song was an attempt in part for Taylor to try and deal with his own fame which wasn’t always pleasant and enjoyable.

You can find the tune on the album Sweet Baby James. Awesome to end with a fantastic Carolina alum who grew up right in Carrboro. For some ungodly reason, he now resides in the northeast, but I won’t hold it against him. Nobody’s perfect.

Thanks for reading and to borrow from the psycho, Lout Holts, I would like to tell you this. If you like Americana with the Muffin, drive with your headlights on during the day to show your support. If you don’t like American with the Muffin, drive with your headlights off at night.

C-Ya later alligators!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Top 10 American Songs: 10-6

--It’s time for a friggin’ countdown! The first countdown we ever had on MM was the top-5 American Animals. That was tons of fun, so why not try another? Today we’re going to discuss something that’s much more likely to create debate and elicit opinions. I’m going to give you what I believe are the top-5 AMERICAN songs of all time.
--Here’s a quick list of artists you won’t find in this post: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Def Leopard, Genesis or Phil Collins.
--Our heavy-hitting headbangers will be pissed because Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, The Scorpions, Lordi, and The Ting-Tings are all disqualified.
I regret to inform you that the man, the myth, the legend, Rockin’ Rod Stewart is ineligible along with U2, Elton John, Coldplay and The Who.
--I rejoice to tell you that there’s no chance of ABBA, David Bowie, The Eurythmics, or Madonna making the list, either. “Madonna is American,” you may retort. True, but her music sucks. And as far as I’m concerned she’s a Frenchy, Canadian, or North Korean in disguise.
--For a second, that list may make you wonder if America actually has any good music for itself. Well don’t worry patriots. America’s got plenty. Of course.
To the countdown!

10. “Paradise City”-Guns N’ Roses (1988)

--“Paradise City.” Yes. Party time. We all like to party, or at least we should. This song was made for partying. When people use the term “party like a rock star” I immediately think of Axl Rose and Guns N’ Roses. Rose, the primary writer of the song’s lyrics was unclear about the place referred to as “Paradise City.” Was it Los Angeles? Panama City? Fayetteville, North Carolina? We’re really not sure. We are sure that partying is American and therefore, so is this song. Top-Ten American? Yeah, I think so.

9. “Don’t Stop Believing”-Journey (1981)

--The title itself reflects an absolutely American theme. To achieve the American dream, you’ve got to do what? You gotta keep believing, baby. We’ve all be in situations where this song was especially pertinent; that’s why it was a no doubter on the list.
--Anthem. That’s the best way to describe this song. Sports, business, love life, The Sopranos; this song is has been a theme song for them all. It’s especially awesome for me because it was the undisputed anthem of the UNC Club Baseball team that finally made the lyrics come to fruition with a 2007 national championship…Somewhere Michael Schuit and Brad Shinn are smiling.
--Parties, bars, weddings, graduations, you name it. This song fits them all. And everybody loves shouting the words at the top of their lungs to a greater extent than any other song I know.

8. “Changes”-Tupac (1998)

--Have you noticed that being dead certainly doesn’t hurt an artist’s chances of getting some recognition?
--Tupac Shakur talked about change way before Barak Obama did, but Shakur never saw a black man become president, as mentioned in the lyrics of this song. Really an incredible song that helped Shakur’s public image after his death. Shakur died in ’96 but this song didn’t get released until ’98 after lots of remixing and shuffling of verses. The song uses heavy samples from Bruce Hornsby’s ‘The Way It Is,’ but Shakur’s rapping is clearly the focal point. Powerful lyrics from a self-proclaimed “thug” trying to get by. To date, this is the only posthumously released song to be nominated for a Grammy in the “Best Rap Solo Performance” category-it lost to Eminem’s ‘My Name Is’.
--Racism, drugs, police brutality; this song has them all, and unfortunately they’re all a part of America.

7. “Smells Like Teen Spirit”-Nirvana (1991)

--The dead are piling up quick on this list. Quite a celebrity skeleton slumber party we’ve got going on here.
--Anyway, Simple four-chord riff, no earth-shattering lyrics, in fact no understandable lyrics, and not perceived by the band to be a hit. Some things just happen.
--Many reviews say it was representative of the new teen culture that was emerging in the early 90s. If you remember, that was the time of the so-called ‘Generation-X.’ I still resent that name. Anyway, this was a big part of a cultural shift in my opinion. Teens started to feel empowered for better or for worse (for worse in my opinion), and they’ve never looked back.
--Further adding to the song’s significance, it was considered by some to be one of the first songs of the genre entitled “alternative rock” (Rolling Stone). Rolling stone, in fact, named it the 9th greatest song of all time (the highest Rolling Stone rank of any song in the MM Top-Ten American Countdown).

6. “In the Ghetto”-Elvis Presley (1969) Note: The music video I have selected in no way represents the meaning of the song. Instead, it honors the great and mighty honey badger which is another blog altogether. Enjoy.

--Some of you will probably be offended that Elvis has only 1 song in the top ten. You could easily argue that he deserves more than 1 song on the list. One could also argue that if just one of Elvis’ songs were going to make the list, this shouldn’t be it. Well, counting down the greatest American songs isn’t easy, so back off.
--Elvis was and is an American icon. This song is about as relevant to the history and culture of America as any other you’ll find. The culture of “the ghetto” is usually ignored, forgotten, or shunned. For better or worse though, many, MANY ghettos exist. In this song Elvis sings about the plight of the poor inner-city mother who is blessed and cursed with a child. America, like Elvis, has shown a propensity towards sympathy for the poor, homeless, and hopeless. However, a proper solution has not been found; it probably never will be. The great American tragedy continues.

5-1 coming soon. Tell me if you disagree so far.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Life Without Cable


--I moved to Tuscaloosa. Really couldn’t swing paying for ridiculously over-priced cable. Two nights in, I thought I’d never make it. One week in, I KNEW I’d never make it. Two weeks in, I thought there was a chance. Three weeks in, I was done with it forever. Yeah, like forever-forever. I will never again give my money to Satan’s cohorts, ‘Time Warner’ and ‘Comcast.’

--People, I’m here today to tell you that life without cable is not only possible but enjoyable. After two weeks, you’re so out of the loop on all the shows that you just don’t care anymore. There’s much less to distract you when you don’t have cable. You can find yourself doing funny things like cleaning up, taking care of things that need to be done, being productive, even reading the news or reading a book.

--I think the main thing I would like to get across to you is this: The CEO’s of Time Warner, Comcast, Charter, etc. are probably going to hell. They pump out products that are NOWHERE near the value they charge for them. The service of each and every cable company is crappy because it doesn’t have to be good for people to buy it. Seriously, do you have any options when it comes to cable in your area? Sure, Direct TV and Dish Network but they are just the lesser of the evils. When you don’t have cable, you don’t miss it. Honest. You don’t. Stick it to the man, and drop your cable like Dalton drops low-lifes at the Road House.

--I will now analyze the pros and cons of cables in a completely non-scientific way:

PROS of having cable:
-John Wayne is usually on AMC every weekend at some point.
-The aforementioned “Road House” was on 1-2 times a week…even before Patrick Swayze said “Goodbye world. Hello Glory.”
-‘College Gameday’ on ESPN
-Sportscenter
-The SPEED Channel
-The show ‘Planet Earth’
-‘Saved by the Bell’ re-runs
-Cable is a way to escape reality and relax for a while

CONS of having cable:
-You’re exposed to the digital diarrhea that is MTV. Whether you know it or not, MTV eats your brain from the inside out. Stop now before it’s too late
-Bill O’Reilly
-Keith Olberman (yeah, both of them are pricks)
-According to the Nielsen Company, Americans spend one-sixth of their time watching cable television. For those of you who don’t think this is a bad thing; re-evaluate your lives. Immediately.
-Just having cable TV is a proven risk factor of becoming obese

Say no to the devil, and reject cable. Kill your televisions before they kill you!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Don't Even Think About Working This Weekend


--Put another summer in the books. This weekend, we celebrate Labor Day and the great working spirit of America…At least what’s left of it. Over the last 30 years or so, there’s been quite a shift in American business culture. Thanks to our greedy society’s insistence on cutting cost of production via outsourcing and out-of-country labor, the American worker has become so jaded that the idea of “taking pride in your work” is almost out the door. Nobody works at a place for 30 years, collects their pension, and rides off into the sunset anymore. Instead we’re forced to jump from job to job with social security and taxes making it hard to actually plan for retirement. I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t think Labor Day is a very special holiday anymore. Other than its un-official secondary function as the end of summer, it’s pretty worthless to me. In case you’re not sold on my analysis of the holiday, consider this: It originated in Canada. True story. Don’t shoot the messenger.

--Anyway, let’s focus on the only attractive part of Labor Day which is its significance as the un-official end of summer. Our days at the pool are numbered, as well as our days at the beach. Front-porch sitting will soon be replaced by gathering around the fire. Sun-bathing will be replaced by throwing on extra layers. Sayings such as “I’m sweating like Bill Clinton at an intern orientation dinner,” and “It’s hot enough out here to melt Michael Jackson’s face,” will soon be replaced with “It’s cold enough out here to freeze my whiskey” or “I’m colder than a playmate on a skiing trip.” Lastly, seeing as how it’s Labor Day, for God’s sakes ladies, don’t wear white anymore this year.

--Hopefully you all had a terrific summer. I learned, discovered, and determined several things over the past 3 months or so.

1. Working with kids is good for your mental health. Sure, the “I-pissed-my-pants brigade” gets a bum rap sometimes, but they’ve got many more positives than they do negatives. While coaching the 9-10 year-old Chapel Hill Reds with 3 of my friends, one of the players informed Coach John that he was “an amphibian.” This should not be confused as a reference to a couple of former NBA players that insisted they were amphibians because they could dribble with both hands. No, I don’t believe the young man on our team was referring to be ambidextrous. He was asserting that he was indeed an amphibian…like a frog…or a lizard.

--While working at the YMCA early this summer, I was introduced to new word while playing UNO. Here was the situation. I had one card left, and the young man to my left said the following statement before playing a draw-4 card, “Well this is gonna to be fun fo’ me and punishment fo’ you. I’ll call it Fun-ishment!”

--Also at the YMCA this year, I got to enjoy what happens when children don’t know what to do with all their energy. One day I was talking to my middle schoolers on the playground. They were seated and about to use a kick ball which was sitting on the ground beside me. A kid that was about 5 or 6 ran over screaming and kicked the ball as hard as he could. He immediately silenced himself and stared at me for 3 seconds before promptly turning around and running away.

2. The Chicago Cubs no longer deserve unconditional support from their fans and from especially me. This loveable losers image is for fairies. Let’s be honest, it sure as hell hasn’t worked the last 100 years. The fact that some of the players have complained about the fans at Wrigley this year has ticked me off a tad. Milton Bradley and the like have cried because they feel there’s hatred directed at the Cubs for not winning…Yeah. Because you’re a bunch of overpaid schmucks who play in front of a packed house that has gotten tired of giving endless support in exchange for you sucking. Grow a set. And any “true Cubs fan” who wants to tell me I’m out of line can shove it; I don’t associate with losers. Current Cubs fans, listen carefully to me. Don’t sit back and act like everything’s going to be ok. Lots of fans throughout the 1900s took this approach…and they’re dead now. Thank goodness, I’ve got the Tar Heels to fall back on for some winning. Congrats to the Diamond Heels on another awesome season.

--I learned more stuff this summer. I’ll get back to it in a day or two. In the meantime, it’s Labor Day weekend. Let’s party.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

If This Post Were A 'Jeopardy' Category, It Would Be Called "POTPOURRI"



---Tuscaloosa and the University of Alabama continue to impress. There are enough country stations around here to fill up 2 pre-set lists on my car radio. Today’s country, yesterday’s country, the newbies, the oldies. You name it, I got it, all in the comfort of my 2001, 4-cylinder, front-wheel-drive Black Stallion- Nissan Sentra. If you sometimes feel out of place because of your love for honky tonk music and PBR beer; If brushing your teeth sometimes strikes you as a nuisance; If you believe tobacco is a vegetable; If reading novels makes you vomit; If your idea of “Progressive Talk” is this week’s NASCAR starting grid; If you believe Okra is an odd variation of Fried Okra…Consider joining me in Alabama.

---In the “Muffin should have known this” Department, we have this: Eli Gold is the voice of the Alabama Crimson Tide football team. I certainly should have known this, but as it stands, it’s a fantastic surprise. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Eli Gold; he is the owner of the soothing radio voice that talks left turns on “NASCAR Live” each week. A bona fide American.

---Everybody in Tuscaloosa is counting down to the September 5th college football kickoff game between the Crimson Tide and the Virginia-Tech Hokies. As a Tar Heel, I would love to see Alabama knock the poo-poo out of V-tech. Forget about the ACC trying to “represent.” I’m tired of the Virginia Tech football team, and I’m especially tired of the term “Beamer Ball,” which apparently means “No National Championship Ball.” Naturally the angered V-tech fan will respond, “Hey a-hole, Carolina’s never won a national championship in football.” Correct. But we don’t run around calling it “Butch Ball,” now do we?

***There’s other stuff happening outside of T-town and Chapel Hill believe it or not. Everybody’s favorite rich redneck, Jerry Jones has really done it this time. The world’s largest HD-TV resides in the new Cowboys Stadium. It sports a hefty price tag of 40 million dollars. And, it’s also too flippin’ low. Hit by a Titans punter last week, Jerry Jones insists that the little prick was kicking straight up and did it on purpose. Ohhhhhhhh, ok Jerry. So, as long as punters don’t try to hit the big screen, it won’t be an issue. Gotcha’ buddy. That screen’s just fine as is. Don’t change a thing…except the way games are played in your venue.

***Did you all hear about this story that claims 90% of US currency has traces of cocaine?! Do you think maybe the Dallas Cowboys and their teams of the last 2 decades had anything to do with this? Just wondering.

^^^According to this story from ESPN.com, Florida International is shocked and appalled that they have been scheduled to take on the Heels for their 2009-2010 basketball season opener. "We will not be bullied into a unilateral decision to play North Carolina after we already agreed to play Ohio State," Pete Garcia, FIU Athletic Director, said. HA! What- A -Fairy. I hope FIU head coach Isiah Thomas embraces the challenge unlike his neutered boss. Could you ever imagine an up-and-coming program at UNC like the football team, for instance, being thrown into a game against a powerhouse like Texas or USC? And then, could you imagine Dick Baddour saying, “Hey! Hey! Heyyyyy! Nuh-uh. I don’t think so mister.” Nah, we can’t imagine that. Because he’s a man.

~~~Lastly, from KTLA in Los Angeles I read this: The crypt above Marilyn Monroe’s remains has been sold for 4.6 million dollars, on eBay. The reasoning? Well, the old bat whose husband was resting there decided she wanted to pay off her home in Beverly Hills. So. She just decided to move her husband’s remains from above Ms. Monroe, and sell the spot. The winner on eBay (drum roll please)…Someone who goes by the initials, “O.S.” Listen, it’s a free country, obviously. But, if I had 4.6 million dollars set aside for the purpose of being placed on top of a woman, I’d want that woman and myself to be alive…very alive.