Life Without Cable

--I moved to Tuscaloosa. Really couldn’t swing paying for ridiculously over-priced cable. Two nights in, I thought I’d never make it. One week in, I KNEW I’d never make it. Two weeks in, I thought there was a chance. Three weeks in, I was done with it forever. Yeah, like forever-forever. I will never again give my money to Satan’s cohorts, ‘Time Warner’ and ‘Comcast.’

--People, I’m here today to tell you that life without cable is not only possible but enjoyable. After two weeks, you’re so out of the loop on all the shows that you just don’t care anymore. There’s much less to distract you when you don’t have cable. You can find yourself doing funny things like cleaning up, taking care of things that need to be done, being productive, even reading the news or reading a book.

--I think the main thing I would like to get across to you is this: The CEO’s of Time Warner, Comcast, Charter, etc. are probably going to hell. They pump out products that are NOWHERE near the value they charge for them. The service of each and every cable company is crappy because it doesn’t have to be good for people to buy it. Seriously, do you have any options when it comes to cable in your area? Sure, Direct TV and Dish Network but they are just the lesser of the evils. When you don’t have cable, you don’t miss it. Honest. You don’t. Stick it to the man, and drop your cable like Dalton drops low-lifes at the Road House.

--I will now analyze the pros and cons of cables in a completely non-scientific way:

PROS of having cable:
-John Wayne is usually on AMC every weekend at some point.
-The aforementioned “Road House” was on 1-2 times a week…even before Patrick Swayze said “Goodbye world. Hello Glory.”
-‘College Gameday’ on ESPN
-Sportscenter
-The SPEED Channel
-The show ‘Planet Earth’
-‘Saved by the Bell’ re-runs
-Cable is a way to escape reality and relax for a while

CONS of having cable:
-You’re exposed to the digital diarrhea that is MTV. Whether you know it or not, MTV eats your brain from the inside out. Stop now before it’s too late
-Bill O’Reilly
-Keith Olberman (yeah, both of them are pricks)
-According to the Nielsen Company, Americans spend one-sixth of their time watching cable television. For those of you who don’t think this is a bad thing; re-evaluate your lives. Immediately.
-Just having cable TV is a proven risk factor of becoming obese

Say no to the devil, and reject cable. Kill your televisions before they kill you!