--Put another summer in the books. This weekend, we celebrate Labor Day and the great working spirit of America…At least what’s left of it. Over the last 30 years or so, there’s been quite a shift in American business culture. Thanks to our greedy society’s insistence on cutting cost of production via outsourcing and out-of-country labor, the American worker has become so jaded that the idea of “taking pride in your work” is almost out the door. Nobody works at a place for 30 years, collects their pension, and rides off into the sunset anymore. Instead we’re forced to jump from job to job with social security and taxes making it hard to actually plan for retirement. I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t think Labor Day is a very special holiday anymore. Other than its un-official secondary function as the end of summer, it’s pretty worthless to me. In case you’re not sold on my analysis of the holiday, consider this: It originated in Canada. True story. Don’t shoot the messenger.
--Anyway, let’s focus on the only attractive part of Labor Day which is its significance as the un-official end of summer. Our days at the pool are numbered, as well as our days at the beach. Front-porch sitting will soon be replaced by gathering around the fire. Sun-bathing will be replaced by throwing on extra layers. Sayings such as “I’m sweating like Bill Clinton at an intern orientation dinner,” and “It’s hot enough out here to melt Michael Jackson’s face,” will soon be replaced with “It’s cold enough out here to freeze my whiskey” or “I’m colder than a playmate on a skiing trip.” Lastly, seeing as how it’s Labor Day, for God’s sakes ladies, don’t wear white anymore this year.
--Hopefully you all had a terrific summer. I learned, discovered, and determined several things over the past 3 months or so.
1. Working with kids is good for your mental health. Sure, the “I-pissed-my-pants brigade” gets a bum rap sometimes, but they’ve got many more positives than they do negatives. While coaching the 9-10 year-old Chapel Hill Reds with 3 of my friends, one of the players informed Coach John that he was “an amphibian.” This should not be confused as a reference to a couple of former NBA players that insisted they were amphibians because they could dribble with both hands. No, I don’t believe the young man on our team was referring to be ambidextrous. He was asserting that he was indeed an amphibian…like a frog…or a lizard.
--While working at the YMCA early this summer, I was introduced to new word while playing UNO. Here was the situation. I had one card left, and the young man to my left said the following statement before playing a draw-4 card, “Well this is gonna to be fun fo’ me and punishment fo’ you. I’ll call it Fun-ishment!”
--Also at the YMCA this year, I got to enjoy what happens when children don’t know what to do with all their energy. One day I was talking to my middle schoolers on the playground. They were seated and about to use a kick ball which was sitting on the ground beside me. A kid that was about 5 or 6 ran over screaming and kicked the ball as hard as he could. He immediately silenced himself and stared at me for 3 seconds before promptly turning around and running away.
2. The Chicago Cubs no longer deserve unconditional support from their fans and from especially me. This loveable losers image is for fairies. Let’s be honest, it sure as hell hasn’t worked the last 100 years. The fact that some of the players have complained about the fans at Wrigley this year has ticked me off a tad. Milton Bradley and the like have cried because they feel there’s hatred directed at the Cubs for not winning…Yeah. Because you’re a bunch of overpaid schmucks who play in front of a packed house that has gotten tired of giving endless support in exchange for you sucking. Grow a set. And any “true Cubs fan” who wants to tell me I’m out of line can shove it; I don’t associate with losers. Current Cubs fans, listen carefully to me. Don’t sit back and act like everything’s going to be ok. Lots of fans throughout the 1900s took this approach…and they’re dead now. Thank goodness, I’ve got the Tar Heels to fall back on for some winning. Congrats to the Diamond Heels on another awesome season.
--I learned more stuff this summer. I’ll get back to it in a day or two. In the meantime, it’s Labor Day weekend. Let’s party.
No comments:
Post a Comment