Green, Yellow, Roll Tide

After arriving in Tuscaloosa on August 10th, it took me approximately 48 hours to realize that something was different around this town. It was quickly apparent that driving to and fro required more attention and diligence than in my previous cities of residence. First of all, the roads here are not as well maintained as they are in North Carolina. For that matter, I don’t think any other state in the south has roads as well kept as those in NC. For God’s sake, North Carolinians pay an arm and a leg on gas tax at the pumps, so they better get something in return. The roads though, aren’t the main problem down here in ‘Bama. Nope, the main problem is a cultural phenomenon that I have yet to get to the bottom of.

I’m talking about the alarming frequency at which these psychopaths run red lights. The first full day I was down here, I noticed one or two cars running red lights at major intersections. I thought to myself, “look as this guy; what an idiot.” Now, running red lights is by no means a rare occasion anywhere. But, everywhere else I’ve been, it has been uncommon enough to elicit a response from drivers and passengers each time it happens. Well, down here, running red lights doesn’t draw a response…it’s freakishly normal. I thought I was going crazy until the 3rd week of the semester when my sport law professor went off on a tangent about drivers in Tuscaloosa. He said, “This is one of the worst places I’ve ever seen when it comes to daggum idiots running red lights.” I can’t express how relieved I was to hear someone else mention this; I wasn’t going crazy. Since the professor threw it out there, I started asking several people about it, and they agreed with my assessment. However, some of them said they really hadn’t given it much though until I brought it up. Apparently it’s such a way of life down here that’s it goes unnoticed.

Now that I know how things go around town, I know to give it a couple of seconds before I hit the accelerator coming off a green light. It’s comical really. When my brother came to visit, I told him about the red light running, and I’m not sure if he believed me at first. But sure enough, the first time we got caught at a light, I told him to wait and watch. Sure enough, 2 cars flew under a red light right on cue.

I have seen police at these same intersections when a car runs a red light…and they do nothing. So why is this? I have a couple of theories. 1. There are a crap-ton of stoplights in Tuscaloosa, and it seems possible that people just get fed up and say, “kiss my ass, I’m not stopping.” 2. A terrible rash of red-green color blindness in the region…along with up/down dyslexia. 3. They see “red” and think crimson causing them to undergo a sudden rush and push their pedal to the metal while yelling “Rolllllllllllll Tide!”

Either way, what's really important here is that everyone in Tuscaloosa was probably awful at the kids' game "red light-green light." Tragic.