I got two words for you, pal: Andres Galarraga

-I'm going to explain how my latest story is American before I tell it...because if I tell the story first, you won't think it's that American. I am going to use basic logic to explain its "American-ness."

-Baseball is American. The Braves are the most popular baseball team of the American South. Therefore any story involving a current or former Braves player is American.

-On to the story: Never in my life have I ever wanted to know more about a conversation between two strangers than I did today at the gym. I was walking out of the Alabama SRC, and I heard a dude on his phone say: "I got two words for you, pal. Andres Galarraga. Andres Galarraga, son."

-Andres Galarraga?! Andres flipping Galarraga? The 6'3" Venezuelan who made a career out of pooping all over fast balls? The beast that hit .305 while dropping 44 bomb-diggidies and driving in 121 runs for the Braves in 1998? Andres Galarraga is absolutely awesome, but why, in the name of Bobby Cox, was he relevant to this guy's phone conversation? I want to know.

-What kind of question could the guy on the other end of the line have asked to elicit such a sure response? Perhaps, "Is there any human that could fight a honey badger, and live?" But, that couldn't have been the question, because we all know the only two men in history that could have fought a honey badger (barehanded) and lived are John Wayne and Dale Earnhardt. And they're both dead.

-Maybe the person on the other end of the line asked, "What do you have nightmares about?" Andres Galarraga could certainly be responsible for haunting young people's dreams; especially baseball players and specifically pitchers.

-The two phone buddies could have been in the midst a heated geo-political debate trying to figure out, "Who will be the next president of Venezuela after Hugo Chavez finally gives it up in 120 years?"Galarraga wouldn't be the first to parlay a successful sporting career into a political career.  Let's see, there's Jesse "The Body" Ventura (if you consider professional wrasslin' a sport), Jack Kemp, and Arney the Governator (if you consider bodybuilding a sport). 

-The most likely scenario is that they were discussing this year's Braves team, and somehow Galarraga came up. Maybe they were comparing the Braves' 2010 off-season acquisition of Troy Glaus to Galarraga. It would be nice if Glaus could revive his career in Hotlanta like Galarraga did, but that's unlikely.

-I will never know what those folks were talking about, but when anyone brings up Andres Galarraga, I take notice. 

-Andres Galarraga:  Steroid user?  Well he did hit a career high number of homers at age 35, so probably.  But who cares anymore?  Successful Atlanta Brave?  Absolutely.  Large Latino who could beat the pee-pee out of a baseball?  You bet'cha.

-Andres if you're out there, I hope you're doing well and using your homer-hitting skills to pick up all the beautiful Latinas.  Party on. 

-Andres Galaraga.  It rolls off the tongue so easily and it's so fun to say.  Try it with your friends.