Mullet Matters: A promise fulfilled

-Well, I stuck to my word and got a mullet. I’d first like to thank Natasha from Walmart for the haircut. I’ve got to say I was concerned at first. Natasha didn’t know what a mullet was. I thought that the mullet was the default hairdo in Arkansas, but apparently not. We worked through it together, though. She was also very sweet. She kept telling me that, “it actually looks pretty good,” even though we both knew it was a blatant lie.

-And to Denise who was waiting to get her hair colored at the Walmart hair care center: thank you for your kind words as well. Denise told me that I, “was too young to appreciate the 80’s, but my haircut would make the decade proud.” I responded with, “mam, I appreciate the compliment, but let’s be honest, I look like an idiot.” She fired back, “You don’t look like an idiot! It looks good! And look at those cute curls on the end. You don’t look like an idiot, sweetie.” Well, Denise most likely wasn’t telling a blatant lie, but because she actually thinks my mullet looks good…I feel sorry for her.
-Upon leaving Walmart, I felt different. I saw the look in the folks’ eyes that passed me. The looks varied from, “This fella ain’t right. Bless his little heart” to “This guy looks pissed. He’s only 5’7”, but I don’t think I should mess with him” to “Look at this idiot.”
-After walking through the Walmart parking lot, I hopped into my good ol' buddy, Ian Bowman's truck. After he stopped laughing, he got serious. He said, “That actually looks natural for you.” I haven’t yet decided if I am offended or honored by that comment. Either way, it was unexpected.

-The mullet has its positives. It is a symbol of freedom and rebellion in the South. It says, “I have a Constitutional right to wear my hair however I choose, and if I choose to ‘chop the top and let the back rock’ then I can damn well do it.” It also says, “I love NASCAR, country music, bug zappers, and duct tape.” That’s me alright.

-The mullet certainly has its negatives as well. Unfortunately it also sometimes says, “I didn’t have enough money for a full haircut and this is what happened.” Unfortunately, it sometimes says, “I dislike minorities, queers, yankees, smart people, people with good hygiene, and wealthy people.” I’m not down with all that stuff, so for those reasons I’m looking forward to ditching the mullet.

-Beyond the positives and negatives is the awesomeness of the mullet. The mullet is a cultural phenomenon, and if anything it expresses that one really doesn’t give a dang. I’m down with that. It’s hard to explain exactly what makes the mullet awesome, but every time we see one, we point and either laugh or exclaim, “That. Is. Awesome.” Sometimes we do both. So with that, I’m going to go outside into the world for my normal afternoon run. Whatever happens, happens. The mullet is undoubtedly an established piece of Americana, and for that reason I am proud to wear it.