Speaking of centennials...

When this web log started in June of 2007, I never thought I would continue a publication of such low acclaim and readership for 3+ years...

But here we are--on the verge of 100 posts.  This is post 98, and I'd like to thank some people.  

• First and foremost, thank you Walmart.  Walmart has been a go-to subject when writer's block has judo chopped me to the throat.  My tracking system constantly shows walmart to be the most searched subject that brings unfortunate web surfers to this blog.  
• Next I would like to thank all the un-American hippies out there that make my blood boil.  The pure anger and rage that hippies stir deep in my soul is enough to fuel my web logging for another 500 or 600 posts.
• Thanks to all the psychos out there who have been angered enough to accost me via e-mail and blog comments.  It's good to know someone cares--even if they hate everything about what I do here.
• Thanks to my friends and family for the hilarious suggestions and ideas you've thrown my way the last 3 years.  The most fun I have is when I'm writing about a topic someone else suggested.
• Thanks to New York, Virginia, Texas, and California for keeping my readership numbers respectable.  The tracking program tells me that New York, NY; Alexandria, VA; Houston, TX; and Los Angeles, CA provide me with the most hits.  I don't know who you people are, but thanks for reading.  The people in L.A. probably view this site like patrons view monkeys at the zoo...They probably read and say to themselves, "look at this primitive creature using tools like the net web to express his backward ideas and offensive values."  The people in New York are probably just shocked that people in Alabama have the internet, so they check in all the time just out of curiosity.  
• Lastly, thank you Microsoft "Paint" for giving me the ability to create the most fantastic photo-illustrations on the face of the planet to accompany many of my posts. 

Save the Date

I've got a "Save the Date" more important than any magnetic wedding announcement on your fridge. 

July 4, 2076.  The frickin' tricentennial, baby.  Simple math tells us that most of us probably won't make it to the tricentennial.  Dates of birth, life styles and life choices make the likelihood for some much less than for others.  For me, it's the only thing that would be cool about being 91years old.  I give myself a near 0 % chance of making it that far, but if I do, I'm going to set off enough fireworks to singe everyone's eyebrows within a 2-mile radius.  

As a fan of America, the reasons for getting pumped about this date should go without saying.  But aside from celebrating 300 years of independence from those pricks on the other side of the pond, I'm curious to see what fantastic coinage the US mint thinks up to celebrate the event.  Of course, the United States may not exist in 2076, but if it does, you can guarantee the mint is going to be busy. 

In 1975, the US mint had three separate $5,000 prizes up for grabs for whoever could come up with the best designs for the bicentennial quarter, half dollar, and silver dollar.  Jack L. Ahr submitted the design of the colonial drummer for the bicentennial quarter.  Fantastic.  Maybe I'll submit an idea for the tricentennial quarter design way ahead of time in hopes of winning a prize for that contest.  You know, something classy and American like Dale Earnhardt Sr. driving the number 3 Goodwrench car with an outstretched hand and a middle finger directed at an etching of Great Britain.  Who knows?  I'll keep working on it.    

Source: UNC to pursue Mike Gundy

As a former journalist and graduate from UNC's school of Journalism and Mass Communication, I'd like to briefly put on my reporting shoes and pass along information that is as good as gold.  I'm about 99.99% sure that 0-100% of this information is 100% accurate.  In other words, take it to the bank and share it with friends.

A source of a source who has been described as a former, disgruntled AP reporter's, son's classmate's step uncle has passed along the following information to Muffin Matters:

Butch Davis will "resign" soon, and by "resign" I'm told that means he will be "fired."  Key UNC athletic department heads have reportedly began securing passports in order to go on a search for former UNC standout, Darian Durant.  Durant was last seen playing quarterback for the Saskatchewan Roughriders of the Canadian League.  Durant is apparently number one on the list to fulfill interim coaching duties while Butch Davis starts the application process for the Seattle Seahawks to work under fellow d-bag, Pete Carroll.  

It has also been said that UNC officials have already thrown together a search committee for UNC's next head football coach.  Sources confirmed that Mike Gundy, current Oklahoma State head coach, is the top candidate for UNC's position.  Gundy, who gained cult status among the 18-40 year-old male demographic, has led the OSU cowboys to two straight 9-4 seasons and four straight bowl appearances starting in 2006.  Aside from his mastery of the English language, good looks, and press conference charm, Gundy was a standout quarterback at OSU who led the Cowboys to three straight 10-win seasons and two bowl wins in the 80s. 

When asked for his thoughts about reports linking him with the upcoming UNC job opening, Gundy responded that, "the reports are garbage!  And the blogger, that let them come out, is garbage!"................................

Sources now tell Muffin Matters that the new top candidates are Tommy Tuberville, Mike Ditka, anyone closely related to Nick Saban, Lou Holts, and Andy Griffith.

Don't shoot the messenger; give him a high five.

You're welcome.