If This Post Were A 'Jeopardy' Category, It Would Be Called "POTPOURRI"

---Tuscaloosa and the University of Alabama continue to impress. There are enough country stations around here to fill up 2 pre-set lists on my car radio. Today’s country, yesterday’s country, the newbies, the oldies. You name it, I got it, all in the comfort of my 2001, 4-cylinder, front-wheel-drive Black Stallion- Nissan Sentra. If you sometimes feel out of place because of your love for honky tonk music and PBR beer; If brushing your teeth sometimes strikes you as a nuisance; If you believe tobacco is a vegetable; If reading novels makes you vomit; If your idea of “Progressive Talk” is this week’s NASCAR starting grid; If you believe Okra is an odd variation of Fried Okra…Consider joining me in Alabama.

---In the “Muffin should have known this” Department, we have this: Eli Gold is the voice of the Alabama Crimson Tide football team. I certainly should have known this, but as it stands, it’s a fantastic surprise. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Eli Gold; he is the owner of the soothing radio voice that talks left turns on “NASCAR Live” each week. A bona fide American.

---Everybody in Tuscaloosa is counting down to the September 5th college football kickoff game between the Crimson Tide and the Virginia-Tech Hokies. As a Tar Heel, I would love to see Alabama knock the poo-poo out of V-tech. Forget about the ACC trying to “represent.” I’m tired of the Virginia Tech football team, and I’m especially tired of the term “Beamer Ball,” which apparently means “No National Championship Ball.” Naturally the angered V-tech fan will respond, “Hey a-hole, Carolina’s never won a national championship in football.” Correct. But we don’t run around calling it “Butch Ball,” now do we?

***There’s other stuff happening outside of T-town and Chapel Hill believe it or not. Everybody’s favorite rich redneck, Jerry Jones has really done it this time. The world’s largest HD-TV resides in the new Cowboys Stadium. It sports a hefty price tag of 40 million dollars. And, it’s also too flippin’ low. Hit by a Titans punter last week, Jerry Jones insists that the little prick was kicking straight up and did it on purpose. Ohhhhhhhh, ok Jerry. So, as long as punters don’t try to hit the big screen, it won’t be an issue. Gotcha’ buddy. That screen’s just fine as is. Don’t change a thing…except the way games are played in your venue.

***Did you all hear about this story that claims 90% of US currency has traces of cocaine?! Do you think maybe the Dallas Cowboys and their teams of the last 2 decades had anything to do with this? Just wondering.

^^^According to this story from ESPN.com, Florida International is shocked and appalled that they have been scheduled to take on the Heels for their 2009-2010 basketball season opener. "We will not be bullied into a unilateral decision to play North Carolina after we already agreed to play Ohio State," Pete Garcia, FIU Athletic Director, said. HA! What- A -Fairy. I hope FIU head coach Isiah Thomas embraces the challenge unlike his neutered boss. Could you ever imagine an up-and-coming program at UNC like the football team, for instance, being thrown into a game against a powerhouse like Texas or USC? And then, could you imagine Dick Baddour saying, “Hey! Hey! Heyyyyy! Nuh-uh. I don’t think so mister.” Nah, we can’t imagine that. Because he’s a man.

~~~Lastly, from KTLA in Los Angeles I read this: The crypt above Marilyn Monroe’s remains has been sold for 4.6 million dollars, on eBay. The reasoning? Well, the old bat whose husband was resting there decided she wanted to pay off her home in Beverly Hills. So. She just decided to move her husband’s remains from above Ms. Monroe, and sell the spot. The winner on eBay (drum roll please)…Someone who goes by the initials, “O.S.” Listen, it’s a free country, obviously. But, if I had 4.6 million dollars set aside for the purpose of being placed on top of a woman, I’d want that woman and myself to be alive…very alive.