-Happy slightly-belated 4th of July! Independence Day is my favorite holiday, and I hate that it’s already over, but I hope you had a “blast.” Nothing beats colorful pyrotechnics lighting up a summer sky in honor of one of our Nation’s proudest days in history.
-Sometimes, coming up with a topic for Muffin Matters can be difficult…and sometimes you’re traveling to St. Louis for a weekend trip and you see a beacon of freedom just off the highway. My good people, I’m talking about the firework, gift, and collectible superstore, Boomland, in Benton, Missouri. Encountering Boomland on any given day would be cool, but discovering it during the 4th of July weekend…wow!
-Boomland is like most other travel plazas you might find, but it specializes in FIREWORKS! I’m not sure how I feel about a gas station being coupled with a fireworks superstore, but I think I like it. No risk, no reward, right? Right. Boomland’s website (boomland.com) boasts that the establishment has the country’s largest selection of fireworks. I don’t know that this is true. I was impressed with their selection, but it didn’t seem anymore complete than those you might find at a typical firework’s store in South Carolina, for example. The fact is, nobody is actually going to check Boomland on the accuracy of the claim. Boomland has so much to offer that it just doesn’t matter.
-I’m going to once again cite their website (boomland.com). Let’s see here; they’ve got “affordable home décor,” hand dipped ice cream, dishes, jams, jellies, preserves, hams, Beanie Babies, discount cigarettes and a built in McDonalds! Oh boyyyyyyy!
-Now, I saw it in person, so I’d like to clarify a couple of things. Let’s start with “affordable home décor.” If your idea of home décor is Dale Earnhardt Jr. banners, plastic sculptures made to look like porcelain sculptures, and dream catchers, then you’ll find what you want at Boomland. I mean, if you have a 4-foot statue of a black bear, a limited edition sketch of a NASCAR driver, and a dream catcher in your living room, what the heck else do you need? Along with “affordable home décor,” Boomland also offers a wide selection of novelty t-shirts. My favorite t-shirt that they offer is a yellow John Deere shirt that reads, “Been there, cut that.” Naturally, they’ve got tons of sweet tie-dyed “Missouri” t-shirts, and they’ve got brightly colored shirts with Boomland plastered on the fronts and backs. I was not going to waste my money on something I wasn’t going to wear. I spent my money wisely on a coon-skin hat. The hat should match my mullet well in August…
-Next, let’s discuss their so-called “discount cigarettes.” I don’t smoke, and neither should you. But if you do, don’t worry, you’re not missing out on much. Most of you live in North Carolina, so what everyone else considers “discount cigarettes,” we consider normal price. I recently told a co-worker about the price of smokeless tobacco in North Carolina, and he couldn’t believe it. North Carolina is the place to go if you want cheap cancer. Let it be known, that I don’t use smokeless tobacco either. I did, but I quit 2 years, 1 month, and 1 day ago on June 5, 2006. Am I bragging? Yes. Quitting tobacco ain’t easy, but I did it, and so you can you!
-Lastly, having a built in McDonald’s really makes Boomland a one-stop, trip-within-a-trip experience. You can fill up, grab a Big Mac, and stock up on low-power explosives…YES!
Despite the fact that 80% or more of the “affordable home décor” in Boomland is MADE IN CHINA, the establishment still gets 9 stars out of 10 in my “America” book because of the unique combination of goods. The next time you’re planning a weekend or week-long trip, consider driving to St. Louis Missouri and visiting Boomland on the way. I could have easily written this week’s column on the city of St. Louis and its many attractions, but for goodness sake, I saw something named Boomland! It sounds like an amusement park for pyromaniacs.
Despite the fact that 80% or more of the “affordable home décor” in Boomland is MADE IN CHINA, the establishment still gets 9 stars out of 10 in my “America” book because of the unique combination of goods. The next time you’re planning a weekend or week-long trip, consider driving to St. Louis Missouri and visiting Boomland on the way. I could have easily written this week’s column on the city of St. Louis and its many attractions, but for goodness sake, I saw something named Boomland! It sounds like an amusement park for pyromaniacs.
-Again, I hope your 4 th of July weekend was spectacular and safe. I'll tell you what you should do; you should e-mail any stories from your 4th of July get-togethers, and tell me just how American your weekend was! I'll post them all (if they're clean).
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