Exploring Voice Identification: The Budweiser Commercial

A recent Budweiser commercial shows close-ups of beer flowing and close-ups of the bottle and label. The narrator, who has a smooth and masculine voice, explains what makes Budweiser so special: choice hops, etc., etc. When I first saw the commercial a while back, I recognized the voice from somewhere, but I could not quite place it. About a week ago I finally figured it out and I was proud of this accomplishment.

Yesterday, a friend of mine insulted me because it took me so long to figure out that the narrator is George Clooney. This friend shall remain anonymous. It is sufficient to say that he is a big sports fan whose favorite sports moment was the 1989 AFC championship game; his favorite professional athlete is Jose Mesa. This friend said, "You should write a blog about how you were the last person in the continental United States to figure out that George Clooney was the voice in the Budweiser commercial." I'm no linguist, but it seems to me that this friend is challenging my validity as a 100% red-blooded American.

George Clooney certainly deserves some consideration as a true American celebrity, but he is simply a Thespian. Clooney became a "Thespian" when he started making artsy fartsy movies like Solaris which made no sense at all and is a black mark on Clooney's existence. True American celebrities do only what is awesome. Clooney should never receive the credit that, say, John Wayne (R.I.P.), Michael Jordan, Dale Earnhardt (R.I.P), any US President, or Chuck Woolery would receive. It follows, obviously, that someone like Clooney would have a slightly recognizeable voice, but not one that is as distinct as a fingerprint.

Further discrediting my friend's argument is the actual marketing objective of this commercial and commercials like it. When asked why companies are spending big money to hire "celebrity" voices for commercials without an actual appearance, Budweiser's Vice President of Trademark Brands (Dan McHugh) said this: “The objective is for the consumer to sort of know the voice. They may not necessarily place it right away, but when they do, they say, 'Wow'! It's that whole intrigue of discovery.” In other words, the “cool” factor is higher because there's mystery involved." This strategy worked on me; because I'm a true American.

Lastly, another possible explanation for a guy quickly recognizing Clooney's voice is homosexuality. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against gays. I'm just saying that if a dude recognizes Clooney's voice, he might really be attracted to the guy.

Only awesome Americans should be quickly recognized by voice alone. That being said, after one viewing of a recent Lowe's Home Improvement commercial, I knew without a doubt that the man behind the voice was Gene Hackman. Now there's a guy we can all agree is an American Celebrity.

Happy Birthday America

-America celebrated its 231st Independence Day on Wednesday. Most people were busy with fireworks, family get-togethers and cookouts. There is no doubt that some of these cookouts were of gigantic proportions with steaks, burgers, hot dogs, chips, baked beans, coleslaw, and fish-sticks. And the deserts were surely spectacular with enough sugar and trans-fat to make a nutritionist cry. Since most were busy with celebrations, there was no reason to burden anyone with a blog on the 4th. I think it more prudent to look back now and reflect on the greatness that is the United States of America.

About a week ago a nine-year-old girl at a summer camp said to me, "Casey when I look at you, I don't know why, but I think of 'America.' I just think about America." I fought back tears of joy while I said thank you, and hugged this sweet little girl. Maybe my hard work has finally paid off. In an effort to bring awareness about America to Americans over the last 5 or so years I have put together a wardrobe with an unusually high percentage of patriotic items; I have accumulated and shared an excellent collection of John Wayne movies; I have studied up on the history of Dale Earnhardt Sr. and educated others about his awesomeness; I have read Mark Twain novels; and I have become a Coca-Cola Classic fanatic. I also defend America when hippies critique or attack its values and actions. My arguments are heavily opinion-based and offer little factual information. But it's the thought that counts. Any %100 true, red-blooded American would agree with that.



John Wayne, the 3 Car, Twain, and Coke are some of the things that make America special to me, along with state-themed quarters and the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System (thanks again Dwight). There are thousands of other things that might make America special to you like American football, the history of the Salem Witch Trials, or John Mellancamp's song in Chevrolet commercials ("This is our Country"). Whatever it may be that makes America special to you, enjoy it, and may God Bless America and may God bless you. Now let's all go set off some high-powered and colorful explosions and drink alcoholic beverages one more time! We'll do it again next year!

Attention graphic artists: I would love to have your help in later posts: contact me if you're interested. Although the opening photo-illustration captures my idea, it lacks the professional touch, and looks quite horrid.

Bonds an All-Star? Are you serious America?

-Barry Bonds hit a career high 49 homeruns at the age of 37. The very next year he hit another career high, 73 homeruns, at the age of 38. It's not that unusual for someone past their prime to have a career high in homeruns (Hank Aaron had a career high 47 bombs at the age of 37). But to best a career high by 24 bombs like Bonds did in 2001, at the age of 38, is absolutely ridiculous. You are an idiot if you think Bonds hit all of his homeruns without the help of steroids or human-growth-hormone (HGH).

What gets me is the fact that Bonds would have been a Hall-of-Famer without the single-season and career homerun records. 30 HR's and 30 SB's multiple seasons. 40 HR's and 40 SB's in 1996. He was well on his way to Cooperstown without performance-enhancers. And then all of a sudden, in 1999, Bonds forgot how to steal bases and he bulked up tremendously....Get out of here; Bonds is one of the most obvious 'roiders in history behind Brady Anderson, Jason Giambi, and Brett Boone.

Could someone please just get me the facts about Bonds hat-size from 1986 until now? His head is huge! Of course the s.o.b. is on 'roids or HGH. During the 2007 All-Star selection show I wanted to hit Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken Jr. in the face when they tip-toed around the Bonds situation. They both said he belonged in the All-Star game, but both were visibly agitated at the situation. Why didn't they just speak their minds? I'll do it for them. This is what Ripken really wanted to say: "Bonds is one of the most obvious cheaters in baseball history. With the help of steroids, I could have hit 600 bombs to go along with my consecutive games record. Tony Gwynn could have hit 250 career bombs to along with his career batting average of .338. Barry Bonds should jump in his car and drive off of the Golden Gate Bridge."

And last but not least, let's not forget that Bonds' first wife accused him of beating her and their son. How much more obvious could Bonds' steroid abuse be?

So Bonds is a 2007 All-Star? Great job America.