Monday, January 21, 2008

I love "Deal or No Deal"


-The FIRST TIME I watched "Deal or No Deal," I wanted to shove a pitch fork through my spleen.
-The SECOND TIME I watched "Deal or No Deal," I considered ramming my head into the television screen in order to kill two birds with one stone. The first bird being the TV that allowed this non-sense to corrupt my life, and the second bird being my ability to be conscious.
-The THIRD TIME I watched "Deal or No Deal"...it didn't cause me any agony or cause me to wish physical pain upon myself.
-The FOURTH TIME I watched "Deal or No Deal," I was free from worries and anxiety for an entire hour. I was completely entertained and engaged, and I'm fairly certain the joy I received from it added years to my life.
-What are we to make of this? Something that seemed so horrid and repulsive at first, is now something I look forward to on a daily basis (especially on Mondays and Wednesdays when new episodes air at 9pm ET/8pm CT). So what do we make of this? Is it of Satan? No, I don't think so, but it does have a dangerous addictive quality. Is it of God? Not sure....wouldn't every contestant win $1 million if it was?
-Well, we just have to break it down and see exactly what it is that makes "Deal or No Deal" special. 3 things make it spectacular and a must see. 1) The contestants and their constant lack of intelligence and lack of skill in logic. 2) Howie Mandel: An Emmy-winning entertainer who is a cross between Bob Barker and Robin Williams. 3) The ladies.
-1) The contestants are idiots. They say stuff like, "I told myself that if I got offered $200,000, I would take the deal and pay off all of loans and help my family...but I just can't stop now; I'm going to win the million!" Idiots. Some of these contestants come on the show talking about how much they need the money and then they piss it away because of greed but mostly because of stupidity. I love it! Watching people in misery after pissing away thousands of dollars is great! Why? Because it's not you! It's some other poor schmuck who was too dumb to know a good thing when it hit them in the face.
-2) Howie Mandel, like Bob Barker is an Emmy-winning entertainer. Mandel has added the right dose of game show sensibility and comedy to create a fantastic sidebar to the show. His lines are priceless: "Deal?" as the holds this hands together just below his nose..."Or no deal?" as he then opens his hands and points them palm-up towards the contestant as if to say, "I know you're having a tough time partner, but give me a flippin' answer." Mandel is also a germ-a-phobe, and he is afraid to shake hands. Seriously, watch him, he never shakes...he only gives "pounds." I keep watching for the day that some contestant just flips out and is so excited that they grab his hand. What will he do?!
-3) The ladies. Brilliant idea. It's good to know that women are still seen as sex objects somewhere. Just kidding...but seriously. No, I'm just kidding, but isn't it surprising that some politically correct whack job hasn't come along and dismissed the show as sexist and repulsive? I think so, but I'm not complaining.
-The FIFTIETH time I watched "Deal or No Deal," I wrote a blog and suggested that you watch it too.